Top Ten Ways to Win an Argument

  1. Never admit you’re wrong, and be immortal
  2. Use obscure phrases to hoist them by their own petard
  3. Successfully throw three bean bags through clown’s mouth at Rhetorical Carnival
  4. Make jazz hands until your opponent
    is dazzled
  5. Liberal use of American flag
  6. Hit them with the folding chair of superior rhetoric, and then a regular one
  7. Carry a parrot that’s always right, and basically rehash whatever it says
  8. Change into your argument pants
  9. Finally, finally reveal why you always carry a trident
  10. Admit that they’re right, and you’re wrong, but only about them being right