Despite repeatedly informing new aquaintences that “Frank is my name. Don’t wear it out” the name belonging to the UC student formerly known as Frank Galvan has deteriorated to a point where it can no longer be used. Undue wear … Read More
Tag Archives: newsflash
Guitar Solo Fades Out
The guitar solo on the pop-reggae classic “No Woman No Cry (Live),” as it appears on the 1984 Polygram release “Legend: The Best of Bob Marley & the Wailers,” fades out as the track ends, sources reported Tuesday.
The solo, … Read More
Jews Denounce Hitlur
For this year’s Holocaust Remembrance Day, Jewish groups have announced that they will show their Jewish spirit by amending the traditional spelling of “Hitler” to include a “u,” as in “Hitlur.”
“That’s pretty much how most people pronounce it anyway,” … Read More
Santana to Collaborate on Next Album
Guitar legend Carlos Santana announced at a press conference yesterday that he will collaborate on his next studio album with several potentially notable pop vocalists and musicians.
His as-of-yet untitled album will follow the platinum-selling and critically-panned 1999 release “Supernatural” … Read More
God Sued for Creating Idiots
Last week a suit was filed in federal court charging God with two charges of giving life to absolute fucking idiots. The two people in question are Gregory Rhymes and Tanya Ellington, the teenagers who recently brought a lawsuit against … Read More
Ole Timey Signage Not Olde Thimey Enough
In a turn of events that stunned a small beach community, the Stinson Beach Downtown Association condemned shop owner Margaret Feffershim’s exterior signage, claiming it failed to comply with Article 7 of the association’s bylaws. The business under scrutiny was … Read More
Spongebob Absorbs Controversy
A brief interruption of Playboy TV’s Night Calls by Nickelodeon’s Spongebob Squarepants has challenged the morals of a small community outside Saginaw,Michigan. Though the cable company has taken responsibility for the electrical glitch, parents and children have voiced concern over … Read More
New Findings Indicative of Squirrels’ Cuteness
Scientists at the Center for Urban Tree Exploration released their findings last week that squirrels are, in fact, extremely cute. Head researcher Earl Askew explained, “When we examine the past few months’ data, there’s a clear indication that squirrels are … Read More
Bates Apologizes for Mass Killings
Newly elected Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates has admitted responsiblity for the murders of 200 Berkeley citizens who had voted against him in the November election, along with the entire staff of the Daily Californian.
“There is no question that killing … Read More
Iraq Imposes Sanctions on U.S.
Last week saw a drastic turn of events in the tenuous Iraqi situation. Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced last Thursday that Iraq will begin to impose economic sanctions on what he described as the “Fulcrum of Evil.” In a speech … Read More
