New Findings Indicative of Squirrels’ Cuteness

Scientists at the Center for Urban Tree Exploration released their findings last week that squirrels are, in fact, extremely cute. Head researcher Earl Askew explained, “When we examine the past few months’ data, there’s a clear indication that squirrels are just the fuzziest, wuzziest, little cuddlekins there are.” In response to skeptics’ claims that horsies or perhaps little bitty kitties might receive a higher ranking on the Tajiri Cuteness Index, Askew responded, “We’ve isolated higher levels of cutamine in squirrels than in any other animal in the study.” He then covered the ears of one of his specimens, muttering “Don’t listen to that nasty man; you’re the sweetest little cuteums in the world,aren’t you? Oh yes you are, you are the cutest little cutie.”