Ole Timey Signage Not Olde Thimey Enough

In a turn of events that stunned a small beach community, the Stinson Beach Downtown Association condemned shop owner Margaret Feffershim’s exterior signage, claiming it failed to comply with Article 7 of the association’s bylaws. The business under scrutiny was Mrs. Feffershim’s Downtown Antique Shop.

Said Michael Mitchell, president of the SBDA and co-owner of Pappy Mitchell’s Downtown Flamin’ Armadillo BBQ Hoe- Down, “Feffershim flagrantly violates this community’s legislation that states that ‘all businesses in District 12 must achieve an exterior visual quaintness factor of at least 14, as determined by the Stinson Beach Downtown Quaintness League.’ I’d say her shop earned a 6.8, 7 tops.”

The SBDA had been fielding numerous complaints from outraged citizens for months before confronting Feffershim about the scantness of her shop’s exterior. According to disgruntled Stinson Beach local Jean Moore, “The shop just doesn’t fit. There’s no character. Just brick. Where are the ducks pushing carraiges? Where are the cats playing cribbage? Where are the bears wearing tuxedos? That’s the kind of downhomey stuff I like to see.”

In lieu of featuring animals performing human activities, Mitchell said, the SBDQL has asked Feffershim to alter the spelling of her business to Mrs. Feffereshim’s Downetowne Anthyque Shoppe, in addition to making her sign the shape of a jaunty top hat. Continued Mitchell, “Maybe after the change she’ll fit in more with the other shops of the area, like Colonel Beauregard’s Downtown Country Georgia Plantation Venison Grill and Constable Peet’s Downtown Ammunition Surplus and Adult Novelty Gifts.”