Bay Area resident Larry Wilson is to be publicly stoned to death by a mob of angry music fans for expressing a less than glowing opinion of the band Radiohead.
“I don’t know, they’re cool I guess,” stated Wilson, “I’m … Read More
Tag Archives: newsflash
Goth Actually Commits Suicide
A community has plunged deep into the despairing nether-regions of its soul today as word spread about the death of seventeen year old Albany resident Ravyn Glyttr, who took her own life yesterday in what police are calling a failed … Read More
Bush to Fight Terrorism
President George W. Bush has announced that he plans to send American astronauts to “the most biggest planet of them all: the Sun.” This attempted launch, which could occur as soon as 2028, has absorbed consistent criticism from Congressional Democrats, … Read More
Super Mario Has Super Overdose
Tragedy struck the Mushroom Kingdom last week when beloved Italian-Japanese-American “Super” Mario Sarducci was found dead in his toadstool estate, the cause of death an apparent mushroom overdose. “There were empty question mark boxes scattered on the floor,” said Police … Read More
David Beckham Comes to America; Goes Home
British soccer sensation and international superstar David Beckham traveled to the United States to greet his American fans. Both of them welcomed Beckham as his plane deboarded, but he eventually lost their attention to a nearby dog licking its own … Read More
Local Man Completes Work on New Super-Weapon
Berkeley pastry chef and part time quantum scientist Jeff Gable recently completed a new super-powered super weapon which he plans to use either for good, or to make fluffier, more golden brown cr+A?me brulees.
“I have always been interested in … Read More
Fortress of Solitude Too Solitudinous
Antarctica’s population grew by one yesterday when local resident Superman purchased a hamster in order to alleviate the crippling loneliness of living in an ice cave at the South Pole. Along with cage, wheel, and hamster ball, the icy Fortress … Read More
Bum Saves Woman From CIA
At 7:00 PM exactly, Berkeley student Amy Delacruz was walking down Telegraph Avenue when she narrowly missed being incinerated by an orbiting satellite. She was saved by local street person Amos Terwuggen, who was nearby and dove on her just … Read More
Women’s Sexuality De-Cal Walked in On
The Women’s Sexuality De-Cal class was deeply embarrassed last weekend when its Mother walked in on them, unaware.
The class, both famed and controversial for its explicit exploration of female sexual topics, was in the middle of a hot and … Read More
Ostensible Fun Fact Turns Out to Be Terrifying Omen
On Wednesday evening, shortly after consuming his fourth banana of the day, Cal junior Bryan Dempsey opened a bottle of Snapple only to find the short but harrowing factoid “Eating bananas makes you more attractive to mosquitoes” staring up at … Read More
