A recent campus-wide study has revealed that not a single laptop is currently being used to take notes in class.
The leading uses reported for laptops were playing card games, Minesweeper, that one pinball game, and surfing the Internet. “Anyone … Read More
Today Comcast announced its first annual public luncheon to give back to the community for paying exorbitant amounts of money while rolling the dice on whether or not to actually provide service to thousands of customers. Said service technician Johnny … Read More
In a recent interview, Chancellor Berdahl announced his intention to drop his post-retirement teaching plans in the hopes of realizing his full potential as “that guy who plays the Campanile bells every day at noon.” The grueling nature of his … Read More
Officials close to President Bush report that his closest advisor, a mystical Ouija Board, has once again pointed to Yes. This is reportedly the 39th straight time the Ouija Board has pointed to Yes.
“Oh, oh, I think it’s going … Read More
An uproar struck Freeborn Hall late Thursday when it was revealed that resident and self-professed “straightedge” Eddie McAllister looks way ripped on his student identification card.
The veracity of McAllister’s claim that he lives free from drugs and alcohol was … Read More
Bay Area resident Larry Wilson is to be publicly stoned to death by a mob of angry music fans for expressing a less than glowing opinion of the band Radiohead.
“I don’t know, they’re cool I guess,” stated Wilson, “I’m … Read More
A community has plunged deep into the despairing nether-regions of its soul today as word spread about the death of seventeen year old Albany resident Ravyn Glyttr, who took her own life yesterday in what police are calling a failed … Read More
President George W. Bush has announced that he plans to send American astronauts to “the most biggest planet of them all: the Sun.” This attempted launch, which could occur as soon as 2028, has absorbed consistent criticism from Congressional Democrats, … Read More
The continued life of Stewart Albey, 86, remains a source of huge frustration to his protege, Scott Toler, say sources.
Albey, a retired journalist, continues to live despite using his wit and wisdom to turn around the life of Toler, … Read More
Biochemical researchers at Dow Chemical have reportedly been disappointed with the results of their recent turtle mutation experiment. The research group had hoped to create feisty six foot tall ninja turtles through the use of chemical waste.
Head researcher Geoff … Read More
