Goth Actually Commits Suicide

A community has plunged deep into the despairing nether-regions of its soul today as word spread about the death of seventeen year old Albany resident Ravyn Glyttr, who took her own life yesterday in what police are calling a failed attempted suicide.

Glyttr’s mother discovered her daughter lying in a blood-filled bathtub along with a half empty bottle of Children’s Dimetapp, and a note proclaiming the infinite black blackness of black. “At first I thought this was just another cry for attention,” said Glyttr’s mother, “but when I called her for dinner and she didn’t tell me to ‘call an ambulance I hate you,’ I realized there was something wrong.”

Investigators are still trying to piece together a coherent picture of exactly how this routine plea for attention claimed the life of young Ravyn Glyttr. “Best we can figure,” says detective Henry Thompson, “the Dimetapp made her mildly drowsy and she forgot about the daylight savings changeover.” Thompson believes that as a result, Glyttr’s mother got home an hour later than Glyttr expected, giving the horizontal slashes on her wrists just enough time to render her excessive white face makeup unnecessary.

In accordance with Glyttr’s wishes, services will be held during a screening of Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas. Donations in her name can be made to Hot Topic.