Chancellor Excited About New Career

In a recent interview, Chancellor Berdahl announced his intention to drop his post-retirement teaching plans in the hopes of realizing his full potential as “that guy who plays the Campanile bells every day at noon.” The grueling nature of his job search, the results from a career aptitude test, and repeated viewings of Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame have inspired Berdahl to devote his time and creative energy to playing the carillon.

On his bell-playing agenda, the Chancellor has expressed a desire to expand the carillon repertoire to include more than the two atonal songs currently played every single day. He also aspires to play a piece that is actually recognizable within the first three notes and does not sound like a funeral dirge. “Right now, I’m working on that ‘milkshake’ song,” he said.

When asked for further comment, Berdahl mumbled something about an important meeting with his gargoyle friends. He then bellowed, “Sanctuary!” and ran towards the bell tower with his arms flailing over his head.