President George W. Bush has announced that he plans to send American astronauts to “the most biggest planet of them all: the Sun.” This attempted launch, which could occur as soon as 2028, has absorbed consistent criticism from Congressional Democrats, both for its $967 billion proposed price tag and because of the impossibility of landing any object on the star’s nearly 10,000-A| F surface.
Despite these obstacles, Bush, who delivered Tuesday’s press conference from inside a space suit, claims that sending Americans to the sun is the most daring way to show terrorists that democracy will prevail. “The time has come to show those who commit evil acts that we will not be defeated. We will spread democracy to every body in the solar system before the 22nd century,” the President said. “Americans invented the car, we invented the spaceship, and we invented democracy. It is only fitting that the first people on the moon should also be the first to conquer the sun. Just let bin Laden try to blow up our sun buildings.”
When an audience member shouted out that automobile engines were in fact invented by Germans, his patriotism was questioned and he was then escorted out of the building.