Anderson Cooper : Before we get going, I just gotta say: I am a HUGE fan. Thank you for granting me this interview.
Anderson Cooper : (laughs) Please, the pleasure is all mine. I’ve never met such an attractive reporter.… Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Saw XVI
The Edge Dulls
Scene 1
Frightened Man : [waking up] What … what’s going on? What is this!?
Saw : This is the game.
FM : Where are my glasses, I can’t see!
Saw : These are the rules. In the … Read More
Third Grade Science Fair Projects
Research Question
What is a graph?
Hypothesis
It is how numbers are in love.
Prediction
An 8 is a girl 6.
Experiment
Start long division homework.
Observations
It is hard!
Testing/Methodology
Go outside.
Results
Fell out of tree and hurt … Read More
Discount Wisdom
They say Mussolini made the trains run on time, but I’m still not okay with Italians running Amtrak.
Maybe it’s just the beer talking, but a lot of noise is coming from this beer.
Women belong in the kitchen…and the … Read More
Squelch Co. Travel
Bakersfield Mystery Spot
If you’re just drivin’ so fucking fast and you want to RELAX I got the place for you, man. Whether you’re a trucker or just an unemployed former trucker you should come on down to The Bakersfield … Read More
Consumer Reports: Your Future
Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.
Graduate School
Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!
Synopsis: Remember when … Read More
Is America Ready for a Different Kind of President?
The upcoming presidential campaign will change everyone’s perceptions about just what kind of white Christian male we will let lead our country. What kind of questions should we be asking about this new breed of politician?
Candidate: Hillary Clinton… Read More
Words from the Top
I Bet I Can Have Sex With You
If you’re like me, you’re having sex RIGHT NOW. Oh but you’re not, loser. Unlike you, whose penis is probably well-pantsed, I’m what you might call a “pickup artist.”
But, you ask, what’s a pickup artist? A pickup artist is … Read More
So You’ve Just Sprouted a Single Wing
It happens to even the most careful and health-conscious students: you stay up too late studying for your Ornithology midterm, or pass out at Phi Kappa Emu. And the next morning, you wake up with a single unusually large avian … Read More
Driving School
Taught By a Vietnam Vet
Okay. Driving. Shit. It’s a lot like going native and building a secret jungle base decorated with human skulls: it requires planning and care.
How can I make you kids understand just what driving is like?
[sits in silence … Read More
