All right you nitwits, get your asses over here and huddle up. I got some things to say. I’ve never seen such a pathetic performance. At this point I’m seriously considering just benching all of you and subbing in your … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
First Drafts of Famous Novels
CUjo theBIGASS DOG
By drunk Stephen King
“oh, shIT” thought this fuckin woman as she got into her car. “loook at that fucking dog. i am just goonna lie down”
she lied down in the car because she was tired… Read More
Anderson Cooper Interviews Anderson Cooper
Anderson Cooper : Before we get going, I just gotta say: I am a HUGE fan. Thank you for granting me this interview.
Anderson Cooper : (laughs) Please, the pleasure is all mine. I’ve never met such an attractive reporter.… Read More
Saw XVI
The Edge Dulls
Scene 1
Frightened Man : [waking up] What … what’s going on? What is this!?
Saw : This is the game.
FM : Where are my glasses, I can’t see!
Saw : These are the rules. In the … Read More
Third Grade Science Fair Projects
Research Question
What is a graph?
Hypothesis
It is how numbers are in love.
Prediction
An 8 is a girl 6.
Experiment
Start long division homework.
Observations
It is hard!
Testing/Methodology
Go outside.
Results
Fell out of tree and hurt … Read More
FabulousQuest
You find yourself in front of a large, ancient castle.Rain pours in sheets all around you, and a flash of lightning reveals a lever that appears to be hooked up to the castle’s door.
pull lever
As the portcullis creaks … Read More
Gypsy Professors
**Economics
**
Professor: Who here can tell me the market value of this broken fiddle?
Student: (raising hand) Three to five baubles, or two and a half to four trinkets, depending on exchange rates.
Professor: Correct, assuming that supply … Read More
From the files of… the Gatorade Sports Science Institute
Gatorade, the greatest sports drink ever drunk, was developed by the University of Florida in order to provide something to say about the University of Florida during lulls in conversation. Since that time, Gatorade has refused to rest on its … Read More
Consumer Reports: Your Future
Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.
Graduate School
Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!
Synopsis: Remember when … Read More
Is America Ready for a Different Kind of President?
The upcoming presidential campaign will change everyone’s perceptions about just what kind of white Christian male we will let lead our country. What kind of questions should we be asking about this new breed of politician?
Candidate: Hillary Clinton… Read More
