Discount Wisdom

They say Mussolini made the trains run on time, but I’m still not okay with Italians running Amtrak.

Maybe it’s just the beer talking, but a lot of noise is coming from this beer.

Women belong in the kitchen…and the Senate!

All I’m trying to say is, it’s not gay unless you love him.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one enjoys it?

I’ve heard that writers are flaky people. That’s completely

I used to want to be a firefighter. Then I went to school.

They say if you die a martyr you get 72 virgins. But what if I get to heaven and they’re all just me?

They say that time will legitimize the Church of Scientology. I say that it’d go a lot faster if Scientology weren’t stupid fucking bullshit.

You shouldn’t ingest Diet Coke and Mentos at the same time as cyanide.