Anderson Cooper Interviews Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper : Before we get going, I just gotta say: I am a HUGE fan. Thank you for granting me this interview.
Anderson Cooper : (laughs) Please, the pleasure is all mine. I’ve never met such an attractive reporter.
AC : Neither have I. Anyway, to business. Many of your fans fawn over your hard-hitting, pull-no-punches style of journalism. But naysayers often dismiss you as nothing more than a simple man with a soft heart and hard facts. How tremendous is your impact?
AC : (smiles, waves hands dismissively) Well, I wouldn’t say tremendous, exactly. Gigantic, yes. Tremendous, no. Perhaps humongous. Did you know I wrote a thesaurus?
AC : Ah yes, your #1 bestseller, Anderson Cooper’s List of Words That He Knows. I heard that they had to tape two calculators together to tally up the sales. Next question: what’s on your agenda?
AC : I’ve got this project in the works. It’s called “Anderson Cooper 720,” which is similar to my current show except that it’s played twice in a row. It comes on right after Anderson Cooper 360. At the end of 720 I point at the camera and smirk . . . twice. Oh, and did I say similar, back there? I meant absolutely identical in every way.
AC : Wow, that’s just incredible! When does it air?
AC : Before twenty-three hours of inferior programming. By which I mean Thursdays at 7.
AC : Oh no! I’m always busy at 7. That’s when I stand in front of the mirror and gaze into my own eyes. I suppose I could always put the television directly behind me.
AC : Definitely. Speaking of which, it’s almost 7. (fingers car keys)
AC : Gotcha. Last question. Any take-home advice for potential journalists?
AC : No, because advice is for Dan Rather’s bastard children. I lead by handsome example. By “handsome” I mean “being” and by “example” I mean “handsome.”