Squelch Co. Travel

Bakersfield Mystery Spot

If you’re just drivin’ so fucking fast and you want to RELAX I got the place for you, man. Whether you’re a trucker or just an unemployed former trucker you should come on down to The Bakersfield Mystery Spot: The Happiest Meth Lab On Earth. Can you geniuses solve the puzzle of the Bakersfield Mystery Spot’s mind-bending visions and strange physical phenomena?

(Hint: The answer is meth)

Everyone Wants to Get Away to…Haiti

Come catch Haiti Fever! (But don’t forget to inoculate yourself against Haitian Fever, it will make you die)

We have nothing else to say about Haiti.

The Midwest

Are you a family of seven with identical haircuts? Do you dislike oceans? Then we’ve got the place for you: the Midwest is America’s Land of Land! The people down here are real people. You won’t find any snooty Hollywood phonies puttering around their “im-mobile” homes.

Dimension R

Enter to Dimension R, Humanlady. Comfortable places here to stand and sit, all emit light! Beds enjoy containing finest bird fibers, keeping the warmth during our endless night. Hydrophilic humans can execute immersion in nearby beach elixir with unharmful pH level. Travel to proximate Hive Mind mirage parties! This is compulsory.

Wet Basement

Dampness ho! A Wet Basement is the place to find yourself . . . and that shit you threw away. Amuse yourself with whimsical diversions such as your childhood and adolescent whimsical diversions. Remember your old Teddy Ruxpin doll? Well, it’s right here and it’s right mildewy! A Wet Basement is also the perfect getaway for young lovers looking for a moist and dark place. By young lovers we mean spiders.

19th Century English Debtor’s Prison

You know what they say: what happens in debtor’s prison stays in debtor’s prison. Only what’s happening is you. Take part in the following fun activities:

  • Beg for alms through your cell’s luxurious air hole!

  • Plot your revenge against your cruel and miserly landlord!

  • Die laughing (of typhus)!

We promise: Your squalid accommodations will be as cute as the dickens!