The Man And The Lion At Strada
A man and a lion had been friends for a long time. One day, while they were relaxing at Cafe Strada, the man confessed he was envious of his friend. “Lion,” he said, … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Words from the Top
Medium, but Rare
No matter what your parents and coaches tell you, competitive sports are not about having fun; they’re about winning. So, what’s really important is who’s the best, not who’s the most entertained.
When I played soccer as a little kid, … Read More
My 800 SAT Verbal Score…
Makes Me a Total Sex Machine
By no means would I objectively consider myself as anything more than an average guy. I inherited my dad’s sizable nose and my mother’s tiny chest, although the latter has worked out okay. My penis is well within one standard … Read More
I Like Girls
Sometimes, not all the time mind you, but sometimes people call me sexist. I’ll be watching a tape of Mystery Science Theater 3000, or beating a woman and suddenly, out of the blue, someone will come to me and say, … Read More
Tomorrow’s Tuesday Last Week!
Berkeley scientists recently developed an experimental time travel device, and to test its effectiveness they’ve created a “Study Abroad in Time” program. In this program, students volunteer to spend a semester studying at Berkeley in the future and report on … Read More
Words from the Top
The Gentle Jangle of Success
There is nothing more informative about a person’s identity than their keys. The quantity and quality of one’s keys often reflects the quality of one’s life, social status, and personal pride. Below is a brief classification system based on the … Read More
Drawn & Quartered
State quarters brought to you by the Squelch
California:
From the eager immigrants and 49ers who failed to strike gold to the would-be actresses reduced to waiting tables and turning tricks, California has been crushing the hopes and dreams of starry-eyed innocents for over a century. Now you … Read More
Leonard & His Penis
A Tragedy in Eleven Memos
To: Leonard McAllister
From: your penis, Leonard.
Subject: a little action?
Leonard, this is your penis. For God’s sake, man, you’re twenty-two years old. I have been more than patient with you, and would very much like it if you … Read More
I Had Sex on Tuesday with Emily Chung
I am a detective who works the mean streets of Berkeley. And on this job, I’ve just about seen it all. Drive-bys, crimes of passion, crimes of capital, battery, rape, drugs, alcohol, assault. So forgive me if I’m cynical when … Read More
I Think I’m Ready To Be An 8-Bit Videogame Villain
HA HA HA . . .
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU NOW . . .
THE GIRL IS MINE . . .
AND YOU WILL DIE!!!
How was that, was that convincing? I don’t know, I’m still getting the … Read More
