Squelch management has agreed to open this space for students to respond to a paid advertisement published in our March edition. As with all non-editorial content, the Squelch Senior Editorial Board does not condone or condemn the sucky views expressed … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Words from the Top
Writing for the Squelch is Stupid
People harbor a number of illusions in their sad little lives. “My parents probably know best.” “It’s fine that oil companies regulate their own output of environmental toxins. The EPA wouldn’t let them if it were bad for us.” “Overpopulation … Read More
The Dynamics of Cool
Elementary School
Though elementary school offers possibly the most free time for self-expression, it also sadly encompasses a population with very little self to express. However, there is still room to distinguish oneself socially, particularly by exploiting the unstated hierarchies … Read More
Teddy Roosevelt: Trust Buster
A Look Back at Our Rough-Riding, Tough-Talking 26th President And His Long History of Busting Trusts: Emotional Trusts
1903
At a summer retreat for politicians and industrialists, Roosevelt is paired up with oil baron John D. Rockefeller. In one of the ice-breaker activities, Rockefeller lets himself fall backwards, trusting that Roosevelt will catch him. Roosevelt instead steps aside … Read More
Chronicles of a Persian Childhood
A Persian upbringing instills in a child a sense of family, a commitment to education, and strong moral values. Unfortunately, this upbringing is also full of brutality, humiliation, and constant mockery. To survive childhood, a Persian child must endure sufficient … Read More
Whiteout in Wyoming
Monday, February 21st
I flew separately from the family on our vacation to Jackson Hole. On the plane, I am stuck between Babushka one and Babushka two, who seem to be doing crosswords in Russian. I flip through the Skymall … Read More
My 800 SAT Verbal Score…
Makes Me a Total Sex Machine
By no means would I objectively consider myself as anything more than an average guy. I inherited my dad’s sizable nose and my mother’s tiny chest, although the latter has worked out okay. My penis is well within one standard … Read More
I Like Girls
Sometimes, not all the time mind you, but sometimes people call me sexist. I’ll be watching a tape of Mystery Science Theater 3000, or beating a woman and suddenly, out of the blue, someone will come to me and say, … Read More
You Can Rinse and Spit Now
Dentist: Hi Mr. Ziaygeean, how are you?
Me: Uh.. I’m good. But its pronounced Zee-aye-en.
Dentist: Ok. Alright. I got it. So how’s school treating you?
Me: Not too bad. Classes are always hard, but I’m finding time to have … Read More
de-cal Spring 2001
Schedule of classes
Sociology 98: How Many People Can I Get to Show Up For My de-Cal Class with an Enticing Course Description?
This class is offered for 7 units. Satisfies the American Cultures requirement. Free beer. Exotic dancers. And up to $20-200 … Read More
