The time was 11:52. PM. Me and the fellas were heading for the Ragtime after a little soft-shoe over on Main Street when we heard it. Bass. Walking.
“Snap!” I held up my fist and my crew clicked to a … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Words From the Top
A Tad Bit Stupid
There’s something a lot of you are doing wrong, and it’s time you all know about it before your ignorance embarrasses me any further. Let’s start with the basics, with some friendly excerpts from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.
tad Function: … Read More
Loving the EECS
It’s Friday night, and you’ve been stood up by the Usual Penis so he can go to a strip club. Your options are limited: watch the Oxygen Network with your roommate, try and find a frat party not full of … Read More
A Camping Trip
6:50 pm: This sucks. Where’s the rest of the crew? Tim Dog was supposed to show up 2 hours ago with Bob Cat, Gerbil John, and a case of brew. What the shit is this? It’s cold, getting dark, and … Read More
Words from the Top
Thongs: Wrong!
Ladies: it’s enough with the thongs already. Time was, thongs were a magical fantasy garment that existed only in the realm of the imagination–the underwear so buttock-revealing that it could scarcely be considered clothing at all. Just a few years … Read More
An Anti-Pot Message from A Responsible Berkeley Alum
I used to be one of you, a college student who liked to smoke pot or was considering trying it. I have some important advice. Don’t smoke pot. I don’t want to sound preachy, old and out of touch, but … Read More
How Do I Get Rid of This Gun?
They say you just can’t get rid of a gun anymore. Used to be, disposing of a gun was easy. But nowadays, it’s all difficult and stuff. To test this theory, I have purchased a gun.
Trial 1: I throw … Read More
Scenes From Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 Hit Pulp Fiction
If It Were Rewritten As An Educational Film About Dinosaurs
Vincent: You know what the funniest thing about Europe is?
Jules: What?
Vincent: It’s the little differences. A lotta the same dinosaur shit we got here, they got there, but there they’re a little different.
Jules: Examples?
Vincent: Well, you … Read More
Escape Plans
Sometimes, I think of ways to escape my horrible dead-end life. First, I’d fashion a shiv from a piece of a shattered dream. Then, I’d use it to stab an inner demon and make a break for it. I’d have … Read More
Revenge is Sweet
Kill ’em with Kindness
My mother always told me, “If someone crosses you, don’t for a second let that fucker think he can get away with it.”
Snide Remarks from Passers-by
Him: “Oh, I didn’t realize today was Dress Like a Blind Hooker in … Read More
