A lot of people think it would be cool to be able to change into a sports car whenever they get hot, and back into a human whenever they get cold, but I’m here to tell you, it’s no picnic. … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Holiday Memories
Carving the turkey is my favorite part of Thanksgiving. No, it’s not because I like holding knives or because I like to butcher things. It’s for the cooking aesthetics. The turkey always smells so fresh. Mom uses a special quality … Read More
Scrap!
The time was 11:52. PM. Me and the fellas were heading for the Ragtime after a little soft-shoe over on Main Street when we heard it. Bass. Walking.
“Snap!” I held up my fist and my crew clicked to a … Read More
A Camping Trip
6:50 pm: This sucks. Where’s the rest of the crew? Tim Dog was supposed to show up 2 hours ago with Bob Cat, Gerbil John, and a case of brew. What the shit is this? It’s cold, getting dark, and … Read More
Words from the Top
Thongs: Wrong!
Ladies: it’s enough with the thongs already. Time was, thongs were a magical fantasy garment that existed only in the realm of the imagination–the underwear so buttock-revealing that it could scarcely be considered clothing at all. Just a few years … Read More
An Anti-Pot Message from A Responsible Berkeley Alum
I used to be one of you, a college student who liked to smoke pot or was considering trying it. I have some important advice. Don’t smoke pot. I don’t want to sound preachy, old and out of touch, but … Read More
How Do I Get Rid of This Gun?
They say you just can’t get rid of a gun anymore. Used to be, disposing of a gun was easy. But nowadays, it’s all difficult and stuff. To test this theory, I have purchased a gun.
Trial 1: I throw … Read More
Scenes From Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 Hit Pulp Fiction
If It Were Rewritten As An Educational Film About Dinosaurs
Vincent: You know what the funniest thing about Europe is?
Jules: What?
Vincent: It’s the little differences. A lotta the same dinosaur shit we got here, they got there, but there they’re a little different.
Jules: Examples?
Vincent: Well, you … Read More
Escape Plans
Sometimes, I think of ways to escape my horrible dead-end life. First, I’d fashion a shiv from a piece of a shattered dream. Then, I’d use it to stab an inner demon and make a break for it. I’d have … Read More
Revenge is Sweet
Kill ’em with Kindness
My mother always told me, “If someone crosses you, don’t for a second let that fucker think he can get away with it.”
Snide Remarks from Passers-by
Him: “Oh, I didn’t realize today was Dress Like a Blind Hooker in … Read More
