Pssst.. Hey loser! I’m talking to you. Yeah, you with the eyebrows and teeth. Let me ask you a question. Do you want to get all the Ladies? Do you want to be that guy who makes out with a … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
My Adventure at Berkeley Bowl!
Believe it or not, some cities in this country aren’t as conducive to veganism and politically left-leaning ideals as our great town. Amazingly, in some cities white middle class youth waste their lives going to ovrepriced universities in preparation for … Read More
Holiday Gift Guide
From SquelchCo
Glow-in-the-Dark Enema Kit
Parent and child alike will glean endless hours of fun the SquelchCo way with this fully guaranteed glow-in-the-dark enema kit. Power outages and spooky Halloween sleepovers have never before been this exciting (or this purifying).
#65422. Also … Read More
The Further Adventures of Turbo-Teen
A lot of people think it would be cool to be able to change into a sports car whenever they get hot, and back into a human whenever they get cold, but I’m here to tell you, it’s no picnic. … Read More
Holiday Memories
Carving the turkey is my favorite part of Thanksgiving. No, it’s not because I like holding knives or because I like to butcher things. It’s for the cooking aesthetics. The turkey always smells so fresh. Mom uses a special quality … Read More
Scrap!
The time was 11:52. PM. Me and the fellas were heading for the Ragtime after a little soft-shoe over on Main Street when we heard it. Bass. Walking.
“Snap!” I held up my fist and my crew clicked to a … Read More
Words From the Top
A Tad Bit Stupid
There’s something a lot of you are doing wrong, and it’s time you all know about it before your ignorance embarrasses me any further. Let’s start with the basics, with some friendly excerpts from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.
tad Function: … Read More
Loving the EECS
It’s Friday night, and you’ve been stood up by the Usual Penis so he can go to a strip club. Your options are limited: watch the Oxygen Network with your roommate, try and find a frat party not full of … Read More
The Daily Californian
Corrections & Clarifications
Our article on Sarvonian Exchange Students incorrectly spelled exchange student Garvoni’s name as “Gabvoni.” Also, there is no such nation as Sarvonia.
Our Tuesday Editorial incorrectly stated “So let’s end this period of tolerance and start a round of pogroms … Read More
Famous Showdowns Throughout History
Athens vs. Sparta
When: 491 B.C. to 412 B.C. However, doubts have recently been cast upon these dates by an excavation in Northern Greece and the fact that I’m just making shit up.
Where: See title of fight, tough guy.… Read More
