Lying to children is fun and easy. Observe the following commonplacelies, and then find a small life to ruin.
Lie: With hard work you can be anything you want to be.
Truth: Try as you might, kid, but you’ll never … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
George W. Bush: 007
Although our president’s exploits in the Texas Air National Guard are well documented, Mr. Bush has done even more to help the world as a member of Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
(The Briefing)
AGENT: Your mission, Agent Bush, should you … Read More
Words from the Top
The Tomato
There are few living things in this world more controversial, and I say this without hyperbole, than the tomato (Lycopersicon lycopersicum and Lycopersicon esculentum).
It is interesting to note that the tomato’s closest relatives in the plant kingdom … Read More
Forbes Presents: 2003’s Most Ill-conceived Business Ventures
Welsh Speak-n-Spell Finally, Fisher Price has made a toy that can be enjoyed by dirty Welshmen. This new Speak-n-Spell is a great way for Welsh kids and their no doubt illiterate parents to learn the most insane language ever that’s … Read More
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Recently uncovered and collected by the National Archives are personal journals kept by everyday citizens in the days following September 11, 2001. It is an attempt to preserve for all time these raw, incisive, and emotional accounts of what people … Read More
Take off that fucking trucker hat
Dear posers,
Take off that fucking trucker hat.
I hate all of you wannabe skater punks who think it’s cool to get paid $16K a year to drive across country with only your CB radio and a half gallon of … Read More
A Berkeley Homecoming
What if all of Berkeley’s heroes came to visit their adoring campus? Well, they’d probably like Top Dog, for starters.
Prologue
STEVE: Hey, you know what’d be awesome? If we got all of our heroes to come to Berkeley.
JOSH:… Read More
Relationship Advice!
Ask Farmer Steve
QUESTION 1. Dear Farmer Steve, My girlfriend is constantly bugging me about my social life. She keeps bitching that I never spend anytime with her and that I’m always out drinking with my friends! What can I do to get … Read More
A Real Pro.
Now I know that you’re going to say that it’s impossible to win at slots, that each machine is programmed to retain a certain percentage and that each pull of the machine still gives you the exact same odds whether … Read More
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_Coming from a comfortable home in Orange County, I caught a lot of flak from my family and friends when I decided to attend Berkeley. They were concerned about the “urban environment,” the sub-par buildings, and the other common reservations. … Read More
