Although our president’s exploits in the Texas Air National Guard are well documented, Mr. Bush has done even more to help the world as a member of Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
(The Briefing)
AGENT: Your mission, Agent Bush, should you … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
The Diary of Sarah “Lefty Mondale” Spruce
Enemy of the Religious Right
As a proud proponent of morality, heterosexuality, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Holy Virgin Mother, and flossing, it is my duty as a God-fearing American to release for publication this diary. A diary written by a woman so … Read More
A Berkeley Homecoming
What if all of Berkeley’s heroes came to visit their adoring campus? Well, they’d probably like Top Dog, for starters.
Prologue
STEVE: Hey, you know what’d be awesome? If we got all of our heroes to come to Berkeley.
JOSH:… Read More
Relationship Advice!
Ask Farmer Steve
QUESTION 1. Dear Farmer Steve, My girlfriend is constantly bugging me about my social life. She keeps bitching that I never spend anytime with her and that I’m always out drinking with my friends! What can I do to get … Read More
A Real Pro.
Now I know that you’re going to say that it’s impossible to win at slots, that each machine is programmed to retain a certain percentage and that each pull of the machine still gives you the exact same odds whether … Read More
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_Coming from a comfortable home in Orange County, I caught a lot of flak from my family and friends when I decided to attend Berkeley. They were concerned about the “urban environment,” the sub-par buildings, and the other common reservations. … Read More
King of Berkeley
Reasons I should be your Ruler:
Divine Right
GOD: Kevin, you rule.
KEVIN: I rule? Wow, I rule the town! I am the King! Thanks, God.
GOD: No, no. That wasn’t in the imperative form. I used it in an … Read More
God, Middle School Teacher
Coach God
Teammates: Job, Coach God has kept you on the bench all year! You’re never going to get to play!
Job: Hey, I have faith in Coach God. He’ll play me if I keep faith.
GOD: JOB.
Job: [Excited] … Read More
Words from the Top
The Tomato
There are few living things in this world more controversial, and I say this without hyperbole, than the tomato (Lycopersicon lycopersicum and Lycopersicon esculentum).
It is interesting to note that the tomato’s closest relatives in the plant kingdom … Read More
Forbes Presents: 2003’s Most Ill-conceived Business Ventures
Welsh Speak-n-Spell Finally, Fisher Price has made a toy that can be enjoyed by dirty Welshmen. This new Speak-n-Spell is a great way for Welsh kids and their no doubt illiterate parents to learn the most insane language ever that’s … Read More
