Power Assignment Meeting
Captain Planet: So we’ve got the four main elements covered and assigned to the proper ethnic stereotype, but what is it that Indians do again?
Gaia: Dot Indian or Feather Indian?
Captain Planet: Umm, dot, I guess.… Read More
I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This qualifies me for registration with the Disabled Students Program (DSP), which is the office that organizes academic accommodations like Extended Time Testing (ETT) and Note Taking Assistance (NTA) for students with Documented Learning … Read More
Big Bum
The poorest man in Berkeley versus the poorest man at Stanford. This year Cal’s very own Steven and a small bag of his own excrement go up against Chad Wilson and his ’98 Toyota Camry. This highly anticipated … Read More
Of all the things to get, arrested certainly isn’t at the top of most people’s lists. For me, I’ve been told it’s not so much a personal shortcoming as it is an error of method. But no matter what angle … Read More
221B Factory Way
Shoe Factory District 4
Shoe Distribution Province 8
Malaysia 91423
9/15/2004
Dear 13-year-old Malaysian girl who made my sneakers,
I’ve never considered myself a romantic, but I’ve always believed that true love can find us anywhere. You … Read More
WOLFMAN: OK. I never…accidentally drowned a little girl while picking flowers.
FRANKENSTEIN: Arrgh! Frankenstein have to drink AGAIN!
THE MUMMY: OK, my turn. I never…made out with someone of the same sex. [Drinks]
FRANKENSTEIN: Frankenstein not know GAA does cuddling … Read More
Since the dawn of time in 1943, we at the SETI Institute have scoured the depths of the universe in hopes of finding life outside our solar system. So far we have been unsuccessful, prompting many critics to call our … Read More
In Iraq
SOLDIER: Dave! Dave! Stay with us! Evac is coming in GAA Dave! Shit!
[Corpse disappears]
[Five seconds later]
DAVE: Alright, I’m back. What’s going on?
SOLDIER: Oh, hey Dave. Saddam is starting to flash red, and his face … Read More
IN THE HARD LAND OF MONTERREY there lived a pretty young girl named Ana de la Cocina. In her family’s hut by the edge of the pueblo, Ana slaved day in and day out to provide food for the men … Read More
Last year, I went to Cal. This year, I am going to Vista. You can guess why. These are some of the differences I have noticed. Most of the following accounts are based on true stories.
Questions in Class
Cal… Read More
