In the 24th century, a new chapter in the history
of civil rights was written. And it was written in binary.
1963 to 2304: And as it is written in the robot Bible, “…and ROBBIE begat AIBO, and AIBO
begat … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
This Bar Mitzvah Has One Complete Roster of the 1996 Chicago Bulls Too Many
I’m at my little brother’s bar mitzvah, and looking around at the life-size ice-sculpture recreations of the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, I begin to get the sneaking suspicion that our mom likes him better than me. Okay sure, I … Read More
A New, Old-school Workplace
In my job search, I’ve found there to be certain unnecessary equalities arbitrarily built into our legal system. The Civil Rights Act, Americans with Disabilities Act, and U.S. Constitution are way too progressive for my liking. I mean, how can … Read More
The Future According to the ’70s
1979: Overpopulation leads to water shortage and rampant cannibalism. Also, pastel pants fashionable.
1980: All vehicles now legally required to have doors that open vertically.
1982: New lethal strain of Saturday Night Fever discovered.
1983: First moon colony in which … Read More
Pirate Battle
Pirates ended the careers of many a brave seaman, even those who survived the tumultuous waters south of Cape Horn, the monsters of the great Atlantic, and the pleasant oases of the Pacific. Pirates were feared for their unforgiving tactics, … Read More
Great Moments in Super Bowl History
In honor of Super Bowl XXXIX, we recap some of the great moments in Super Bowl history as best we can remember.
1966–The Just-OK Bowl is deemed uninspired and boring when the Scranton Haymakers beat the A-1 Hardware Wildcats in … Read More
We Are Very Angry
Dear person whose first name is an initial,
Who the fuck are you kidding? No one here believes that when you were born your parents decided to give you an initial for a first name. What, they named you after … Read More
Paid Advertisement
I knew something had to be done the morning1 the button popped off my jeans2. Shocked and appalled, I realized that I could no longer ignore the cold, hard truth reflected3 in the mirror on the wall4. I was fat5.… Read More
After-drinking Games
Many people give up and call it a night when the party ends, but what if your pussy doesn’t hurt? What if you need at least another strong belt of scotch to calm the DTs? Well, the fun doesn’t end … Read More
My Virtual Girl
As I gaze into my Microsoft SPOT watch and listen to my iPod Mini, I now realize that the digitized and specular-lit bump-mapped wheels of technology have spun their blue-LED-laser-guided gears to a new epoch. My virtual girlfriend is now … Read More
