1979: Overpopulation leads to water shortage and rampant cannibalism. Also, pastel pants fashionable.
1980: All vehicles now legally required to have doors that open vertically.
1982: New lethal strain of Saturday Night Fever discovered.
1983: First moon colony in which the colonists don’t go crazy and eat each other established.
1985: John Lennon continues to live a full and happy life.
1987: Cell phones not only not invented, but phone cords actually get thicker.
1989: World War III ends.
1990: Expensive and inefficient cocaine replaced by ZAP. Long distance truckers and disaffected thrillseekers rejoice.
1993: The Disco Renaissance.
2001: Jesus returns. Sort of a letdown.
2034: Thanks to expansion of ARPANET, 800 baud fax/modems now available at neary every major university. They feature vertical doors.
3968: Wary astronaut discovers that intelligent apes have taken over the planet Earth…in the 2000th-anniversary rerelease of Planet of the Apes. The movie does not hold up well over time.