Using the English Language
Hung-over: When hung-over, complex words like “uhhhhhhnng” are often hard to pronounce. You are light-headed. You feel like you might vomit. You do vomit. You try to tell one of the workers at Jack-in-the-Box … Read More
I never went back to that gloryhole once I found out there was a person on the other side.
NASCAR’s great. I mean, who doesn’t love a bunch of traffic?
People say that crows are a symbol of death, but … Read More
Good things come in pairs: hands, hot lesbian twins, winning lottery tickets, and double majors. You may be concerned that you’ve spread yourself too thin by studying two very different fields, but worry not! Your unique experience has prepared you … Read More
Put your flared pants back into the closet and shut off that T-mobile Sidekick, because murder is the hot new trend this summer season. In this authoritative guide, we’ll hold your hand from the first time you “inadvertently” push someone … Read More
My life is pretty much da bomb. I’m not only wealthy, but I have plenty of money and am not poor. Yes, you could say I have absolutely everything a human being could ever possibly need for a lifetime of … Read More
The difference between being a cool guy with herpes and a loser with herpes is all in the transmission. This guide will help explain the cool and uncool ways to get a disease.
Uncool way to get it: Sharing … Read More
Since my parents were recently killed by wolves in a tragic boating accident, I didn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays. I didn’t want to do retail or customer service, so I entered a winter internship program for the … Read More
[opening credits]
Producer: Of course in retrospect it seems totally obvious, but I remember we agonized for a while about casting God.
Director: And then–it was our casting director Jerry, I think–he brought up the idea of just … Read More
Berkeley attracts homeless people like sluts attract Chlamydia, only sluts can treat Chlamydia, while we are left to deal with the itchy discharge that is the homeless. Every homeless man, woman or dog uses some weep-story tragedy to try to … Read More
“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part; you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears … Read More
