The epitome of physical creation was born in an African hospital yesterday to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The child, whom one doctor described as “a hallelujah chorus giving my soul a blowjob at the center of God,” is so … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
White People Jokes!
How many white people does it take to invent the lightbulb?
Just one!
What did one white guy say to the other white guy?
“I got into Yale.”
Why did the white man throw the clock out the window?
Because … Read More
What If…Everything in Life Was Like Your First Time Having Sex?
Watching a TV Show
You: [Sits down.]
TV: [Plays theme song.]
[Beat.]
TV: [Credits roll.]
Going to the Movies
You: How did you like the movie?
Girl: [Bursts into tears.]
Studying
[… Read More
<i>Other</i> New Baby Einstein Videos
Baby Einstein videos are supposed to make your infant son or daughter smarter just by watching them. This from the same company that brought you Learn Korean While You Sleep, Study for the LSATS While You Watch Rocky II, and … Read More
The Diary of Judas
Recently, National Geographic released the Gospel of Judas, a contradictory explanation of Jesus’s demise where Jesus asked Judas to betray him. The Gospel of Judas, while entertaining, is a long stretch from this totally historically accurate, Diary of Judas, which … Read More
Nerd Rehab
When did nerds get the idea that it’s okay to be nerdy? I don’t recall seeing any Nerd Pride parades on the streets of Silicon Valley. But I guess if they tried that, they’d get wedgied and slammed into a … Read More
Would You Rather Be Hung-Over or Over-Hung?
Scenario One:
Using the English Language
Hung-over: When hung-over, complex words like “uhhhhhhnng” are often hard to pronounce. You are light-headed. You feel like you might vomit. You do vomit. You try to tell one of the workers at Jack-in-the-Box … Read More
Discount Wisdom
I never went back to that gloryhole once I found out there was a person on the other side.
NASCAR’s great. I mean, who doesn’t love a bunch of traffic?
People say that crows are a symbol of death, but … Read More
Jobs For Double Majors
Good things come in pairs: hands, hot lesbian twins, winning lottery tickets, and double majors. You may be concerned that you’ve spread yourself too thin by studying two very different fields, but worry not! Your unique experience has prepared you … Read More
Last Words of Old People
“In these last moments, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to be surrounded by my family. Except for Linda. Linda’s adopted.”
“Never miss a sunset. Take at least two vacations a year. Always send thank-you notes. I … Read More
