Watching a TV Show
You: [Sits down.]
TV: [Plays theme song.]
[Beat.]
TV: [Credits roll.]
Going to the Movies
You: How did you like the movie?
Girl: [Bursts into tears.]
Studying
[… Read More
Tag Archives: feature
<i>Other</i> New Baby Einstein Videos
Baby Einstein videos are supposed to make your infant son or daughter smarter just by watching them. This from the same company that brought you Learn Korean While You Sleep, Study for the LSATS While You Watch Rocky II, and … Read More
The Diary of Judas
Recently, National Geographic released the Gospel of Judas, a contradictory explanation of Jesus’s demise where Jesus asked Judas to betray him. The Gospel of Judas, while entertaining, is a long stretch from this totally historically accurate, Diary of Judas, which … Read More
Nerd Rehab
When did nerds get the idea that it’s okay to be nerdy? I don’t recall seeing any Nerd Pride parades on the streets of Silicon Valley. But I guess if they tried that, they’d get wedgied and slammed into a … Read More
Would You Rather Be Hung-Over or Over-Hung?
Scenario One:
Using the English Language
Hung-over: When hung-over, complex words like “uhhhhhhnng” are often hard to pronounce. You are light-headed. You feel like you might vomit. You do vomit. You try to tell one of the workers at Jack-in-the-Box … Read More
Discount Wisdom
I never went back to that gloryhole once I found out there was a person on the other side.
NASCAR’s great. I mean, who doesn’t love a bunch of traffic?
People say that crows are a symbol of death, but … Read More
Jobs For Double Majors
Good things come in pairs: hands, hot lesbian twins, winning lottery tickets, and double majors. You may be concerned that you’ve spread yourself too thin by studying two very different fields, but worry not! Your unique experience has prepared you … Read More
Murder! in Five Easy Steps
Put your flared pants back into the closet and shut off that T-mobile Sidekick, because murder is the hot new trend this summer season. In this authoritative guide, we’ll hold your hand from the first time you “inadvertently” push someone … Read More
Words From the Top
Head Bang Me
My life is pretty much da bomb. I’m not only wealthy, but I have plenty of money and am not poor. Yes, you could say I have absolutely everything a human being could ever possibly need for a lifetime of … Read More
Cool Diseases
The difference between being a cool guy with herpes and a loser with herpes is all in the transmission. This guide will help explain the cool and uncool ways to get a disease.
Mono
Uncool way to get it: Sharing … Read More
