Don’t have a seat, Eric. I’ll get right to the point.
I built this company with my bare hands. I woke up at four AM for 60 years and never once took a vacation. Now I admit, I didn’t come … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
s.f. bay area craigslist > a guide to casual encounters
Reply to: 9634890095@craigslist.org
Posting : I’m a horny big black woman desperate for some cock.
Translation: My name is Eddie Murphy and I just want to get back into my big black woman costume I used in Norbit. I … Read More
Seinfeld Meets 24
[Jerry and George exit the CTU locker room]
Jerry : Sweatpants? You’re wearing sweatpants to a bomb defusing?
George : What, there’s something wrong with sweatpants?
Jerry : No, not at all, assuming you’re New Jersey SWAT.
George… Read More
A Very Few Special Entries in the Diary of Genghis Khan
March 4, 1187 AD
Today one of my more talkative concubines suggested that I should get a girlfriend. A girlfriend, she said, is a lot like a concubine, except you can’t have sex with other more attractive concubines, and that, … Read More
Five Hipsters: A Play in One Act
Begin Act I **
**Hipster No. 1 : [Entering room.] Hey guys, what’s up?
Hipster No. 2 : Hey man.
Hipster No. 3 : Sup.
Hipster No. 4 : Manao ahoana.
No. 2 : Malagasy? Nice. [They … Read More
Ebert & Roeper & Blind Guy – At the Movies
_Day 1 _
Ebert : Hello everyone, and welcome back to Ebert and Roeper at the movies. Due to some of my unfortunate statements regarding the Americans with Disabilities Act, the court has ordered someone new to join us. So … Read More
A Harlequin Romance Novel Written by a 14-Year-Old Virgin Who’s Never Seen Cinemax Unscrambled
Chapter 7. Winter With the Pirates
Slowly and sexily the Lady Winderboddom unscrewed her bra straps one by one. With each violent burst of elastic, Hawthorne was one step closer to everything he’d dreamed about so messily the night before.
Her hands teasingly clasped her own … Read More
Species of Step-Parents: A Taxonomical Survey
Villainous Disney Stepmother **
_Cruella De Mommus _
**Description : Tall, bony, and overdressed, possibly with an upturned nose.
Where she met your dad : Real mother’s funeral.
Method of Wooing : Icy glare and/or magic spells.
For Your Birthday… Read More
Is Your Man a STUD, a DUD, or a CROCODILE?!
- Which of these best describes your man’s look:
a. Fresh, stylish, and clean-cut.
b. Casual, scruffy, disheveled.
c. Easily mistaken for a floating log.
- What’s the most romantic thing he’s likely to do:
a. Send you a love note just … Read More
Pie Most Venomous
It is a mighty testament to the flexibility of my character that I have agreed to publish in this sordid periodical, which is produced by a particularly degenerate cluster of Hebrews, sodomites, and sour-tongued atheists who imbibe spirits at a … Read More
