s.f. bay area craigslist > a guide to casual encounters

Reply to: 9634890095@craigslist.org
Posting : I’m a horny big black woman desperate for some cock.
Translation: My name is Eddie Murphy and I just want to get back into my big black woman costume I used in Norbit. I will suck your dick though.

Reply to: 907890456@craigslist.org
Posting : Me and my boyfriend are looking for one additional guy to complete our threesome. We prefer a big cock.
Translation: My Brazilian boyfriend and I would love to mug you and steal all your kidneys. We prefer someone with six large kidneys.

Reply to: 1008937784@craigslist.org
Posting : Hey there guys my name is Liz. I like going to the movies, or staying at home and renting a movie. I love to cook so you have to love to eat.
Translation: I just love to eat. I don’t give a fuck about the movies, unless they’re about eating. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape was a major disappointment.

Reply to: 907378928@craigslist.org
Posting : Wanted: no strings attached sex with a hot guy that says he loves me.
Translation: I wish my father loved me. I hope he responds to this posting.

Reply to: 648958731@craigslist.org
Posting : I am looking for someone who wants a fat girl that actually has fat rolls. You must be ok with things like touching my fat belly and fat thighs and love it because they are fat.
Translation: I might be fat.

Reply to: 278349876@craigslist.org
Posting : Any freaks down to have sex? You’ve got to satisfy my fetish and then I’ll do whatever turns you on.
Translation: Hope you like strap-on dildos going in and out of your eye socket.

Reply to: 837490011@craigslist.org
Posting : I’m a young girl but not at heart. Sophisticated for my age and sick of dealing with high school boys. Are you my Prince Charming?
Translation: If I lure one more guy onto To Catch a Predator, they’re gonna promote me to anchor.

Reply to: 3746083785@craigslist.org
Posting : It’s big, it’s brown, and it’s yours for $25.
Translation: I posted this in the wrong section; I’m actually selling a cabinet.