Tag Archives: feature

Unregistered Sex Offenders

California law stipulates that all convicted sex offenders must register their name and address with the state. However, many slip through the cracks in this system. By not technically breaking any laws, a few perverted, depraved individuals roam free and … Read More

Words From the Top

Secrets

As we, the editorial staff of the Heuristic Squelch, are graduating in a scant few weeks, we no longer have to keep the many awful secrets we’ve kept for these four long trying years. First, the obvious secrets.

We’re the … Read More

Eulogy

I cannot say that Jim was my best friend.

I cannot even say that Jim was my close friend. Jim was my roommate, and my roommate only, and it’s true what they say: you don’t really miss something until it’s … Read More

Animal Love

What follows are transcripts of conversations between Earth’s creatures about the ups and downs of their love lives, collected through extensive field work and less extensive peyote use.

_Two male lions kick back after a long, hard day of waiting … Read More

Seinfeld Meets 24

[Jerry and George exit the CTU locker room]
Jerry : Sweatpants? You’re wearing sweatpants to a bomb defusing?
George : What, there’s something wrong with sweatpants?
Jerry : No, not at all, assuming you’re New Jersey SWAT.
GeorgeRead More