Welcome to the 2007 NecronomiCon, the premier trade event for evil wizards. You can pick up your name tags at the registration table, located in the heart of the Obsidian Monolith on the Island of Forgotten Souls on the Lake of Eternal Fire which is guarded by the eight-headed Thunder Sphinx whose true name is a thousand whispered secrets. Hand stamps will be required for re-entry.
Below is a tentative schedule of events.
12 noon : Dragon training workshop with professional dragon trainer Stubby-the-Oft-Injured
12 noon : How to use your Time Talisman
12 noon 70 years ago : Oops! Time Talisman Repair Workshop
Panel discussions about Evil Wizardom’s most pressing issues
Room 1A : Those Meddling Kids: Tips on Annihilating The Underage
Room 2A : Converting your Pentagrams to Quadragrams: Save Time and Money
Room 10 : Blood Sacrifices, Personal Sacrifices: How to Balance Work and Family
Utility Closet B : Dark Wizards: Being a Minority in the Wizarding World
All Day : Diablo II Tournament
8AM to 2PM : Trade Show
Buy and sell your evil, accursed wares with over 2000 distributors. Get free mousepads, keychains, bottle openers, and gloves for your wizened hands.
3PM : Breed Your Own Army of Darkness… For Less!
A money-saving seminar co-hosted by Saruman the White and Tony Robbins
10AM : Blood oaths and raffle
12PM : Closing address from the multidimensional octopus who controls Rupert Murdoch
From everyone on the NecronomiCon organizing committee, we look forward to a great week of networking, telekinetic mutilation, and fun fun FUN! Thanks to all our volunteers, and an extra special thanks to our gracious hosts at the Grand Rapids Airport Marriott. Hail Satan!