Let’s face it: there are a lot of problems in this world. The gap between the “have’s” and the “have-not’s” gets wider and wider each day. A ride on the U.S. stock market now feels like a poorly designed attraction … Read More
Tag Archives: Ben Birken
Alameda County Judges Upset BAMN Meeting
More than thirty Alameda County judicial officials stormed into a BAMN meeting last Tuesday, completely disrupting the proceedings. After being told that they would get their turn to speak, a cry arose from the crowd of judges, bailiffs, and court … Read More
NFL Team Responds to “Heap Big Criticism
Bowing to criticism from Native American advocates, the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs have announced that they will be changing their name. “For too long we have shamelessly exploited the Native American and his tradition,” said teamspokesman Martin London, “and for … Read More
New Drummer for Iron Butterfly
With the mysterious circumstances surrounding their former bassist’s disappearance cleared up, Iron Butterfly has announced that Latin sensation Ricky Martin will be joining the band. While some critics are claiming that the hard rock group is simply riding Martin’s coattails, … Read More
The Backstreet Boys
A Theoretical Perspective
The world of music produces legends that put their stamp on particular moments of time. As we all know, music started in 1957. Baseball had just moved to California, and man had recently evolved from what has now come to … Read More
Trading Places
What started out as a domestic dispute between intimates dragged particle physicists and the gay community into a bitter feud when the bottom quark announced that it wanted to become a top.
“I’m just sick of it,” the bottom quark … Read More
Completely Unsubstantiated Rumors
Y2K? WHY NOT?: By now, most intelligent citizens and a few people who live in New Hampshire have heard of the Y2K problem. Some may have confused this with the ESPN2 problem, and those unfortunate souls will be left in … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
Gather round, it’s complaining time. Something is always wrong on this campus, and few are too shy to keep their mouths shut. From campaigning to kick people off campus, to inquiring how the “Infamous 800” are doing one year later, … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
Putzin’ Around
Most people wait until right before graduation before reflecting upon their college experience. Unfortunately for me, only the evil demons within Sproul Hall and VLSB know when that date will be, and they refuse to tell me. So, in case … Read More
Rick Starr Named New Spice Girl
A number of reports out of London are saying that Sproul Plaza crooner Rick Starr will join the Spice Girls in time to finish their American tour. The former fivesome that became a foursome after the departure of “Ginger Spice” … Read More
