Tag Archives: Ben Birken

A Final Word from the Top

Amidst a hundred candidates, waving their large placards and thrusting sheets of meaningless paper into the unwilling hands of the students of this campus, there stood a dedicated bunch. Parking themselves 30 or 40 feet in front of Sather Gate, … Read More

One Non Blonde

No, I didn’t spend my winter in Jamaica. No, I haven’t spent lots of time in the sun. Yes, I did get my hair colored. What, you’re shocked? Guys actually do that? Well, child, sit down, take out a nice … Read More

Cowboy Question Answered

In a surprise statement, singer Paula Cole’s haunting question, “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?,” has finally been answered. Funded by radio listeners driven mad by Ms. Cole’s mixture of whining and whispering, the Rand Corporation has completed a 6 … Read More

Prop 209 Warfare

Very recently, a group of young gents and ladies established a human barricade at Sather Gate. Linked together at the arms and legs and standing back to back (much resembling a phospholipid bilayer), they cut off two of the three … Read More


We’ve all been there, the pressure building up. The only thing in your mind is the sweet feeling of relief when the deed is done. But at what costs, such great innumerable costs, almost too terrifying to discuss. Yes, we’ve … Read More