Bowing to criticism from Native American advocates, the NFL’s Kansas City Chiefs have announced that they will be changing their name. “For too long we have shamelessly exploited the Native American and his tradition,” said teamspokesman Martin London, “and for that we’re really, really sorry.” At a special press conference earlier this week, the team unveiled their new moniker: the Kansas City Dirty Rotten Jew Bastards. The change also includes the name of the stadium; previously known as Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City will be playing next year’s home games in Bath Shalom Stadium.
“We’re very excited about our new identity,” said coach Gunther Cunningham. “Kansas City has a long history of being jew territory, since that hebe Moses.” Quarterback Elvis Grbac reacted favorably “I’m proud to be a Jew Bastard, and a Dirty one at that.” In a related story, the National High School Athletic Commission has declared that, to avoid controversy stemming from racist school mascots, all high school teams will now be called the Wildcats. The move is expected to only affect four schools nationwide.