Rick Starr Named New Spice Girl

A number of reports out of London are saying that Sproul Plaza crooner Rick Starr will join the Spice Girls in time to finish their American tour. The former fivesome that became a foursome after the departure of “Ginger Spice” is excited to have the self-proclaimed lounge singer as part of the group. “He’s got that stage presence we’re looking for,” said Sporty Spice. “He knows how to make it look like you’re singing into a microphone that is plugged in, which is what Spice Power is all about. He also looks great in Ginger’s old Union Jack mini-skirt.”

“He can really dance. He’s got moves that Ginger could only dream of,” stated Scary Spice. “He’s slightly cute in that crazy, lunatic way.” Ginger Spice stunned prepubescent girls world wide by leaving the group, claiming “differences within the group” and a “need for self-growth.” Anonymous sources close to the group state that Ginger left after a long argument in which she called the other girls “scheming, manipulative bitches who are robbing the American public of their hard-earned money.”

Starr is excited about his career move, but is sad to be leaving Berkeley. Asked about his new partners, Starr said, “How ’bout some money? Got any gigs?” When further probed about the pressures of touring and the press, Starr had this to say: “Let’s make love.”

Stair’s addition to the group does present a few problems, namely that the group’s name is no longer accurate. “We talked about that,” said Baby Spice. “We all got some ice cream and discussed our options. So far, our best bet is to have Rick shave his legs and get one of those, you know, ‘operations’ I think they’re called? Or we could change our name to Four Spice Girls And One Crazy Guy. We’re still toying wit’ it.”