California:
From the eager immigrants and 49ers who failed to strike gold to the would-be actresses reduced to waiting tables and turning tricks, California has been crushing the hopes and dreams of starry-eyed innocents for over a century. … Read More
To: Leonard McAllister
From: your penis, Leonard.
Subject: a little action?
Leonard, this is your penis. For God’s sake, man, you’re twenty-two years old. I have been more than patient with you, and would very … Read More
I am a detective who works the mean streets of Berkeley. And on this job, I’ve just about seen it all. Drive-bys, crimes of passion, crimes of capital, battery, rape, drugs, alcohol, assault. … Read More
HA HA HA . . .
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU NOW . . .
THE GIRL IS MINE . . .
AND YOU WILL DIE!!!
How was that, was that convincing? I don’t know, I’m … Read More
UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS 1ST FORCE SERVICE SUPPORT GROUP, MARFORPAC BOX 555606 CAMP PENDLETON, CALIFORNIA 92055-5606
November 12, 2000
Dear Doris McNulty,
I would like to sincerely apologize for my despicable behavior October 13th, 1999 on the Price is … Read More
Squelch writer Matt Holohan wrote a newsflash earlier this afternoon, a nominally humorous tidbit which is already being assailed by critics as worthless postmodernist garbage. Holohan reportedly spent the first paragraph introducing the concept of the newsflash and… Read More
62-year old “Heartbreaker” Gram Robertson, who provides backup vocals, harmonica and guitar for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, recently acquired a pacemaker after doctors deemed his aged heart unfit to run itself. Ironically, … Read More
Economics Professor Clair Brown showed up to class yesterday with the hopes of helping college students learn the fundamentals of the effects of foreign trade on GDP. The presentation supposedly included 35 slides ranging from graphs and charts to bullet … Read More
Would-be shoplifter Cornelius McCrookins was shot and killed yesterday in a botched attempt to steal a box of Cookie Crisp cereal.
McCrookins had grabbed the cereal and bolted for the door, apparently underestimating the reaction time of the Cookie … Read More
A recent forum on condemned death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal was rocked by the surprise appearance by the boy who refused to grow up, Peter Pan. Pan stood up at the meeting and implored Mumia supporters to … Read More
