Find a group of people willing to smoke out with you in a dimly lit room. Force the rotation till everyone has taken at least six or seven puffs. Go to the bathroom, and pour water all over your
Although he carefully rehearsed it for at least 45 minutes prior to leaving it, the message which UCB junior Alexander Zimmerman finally left for recently acquainted Sophomore Megan Johanssen was such a mess of malapropisms, ill-timed jokes, and sheer … Read More
Presidential candidates George Bush and Al Gore agree on one thing: that claims that they are “both the same” are “absolutely ludicrous” and “really dumb.” In the second round of debates, the candidates decided to stop … Read More
People GAA common folk, I mean GAA often approach me and say to me, “Dashing Rogue Linguist, we are intrigued by you and your fair science of Linguistics GAA comely Phonology, ravishing Morphology, and even gangly Syntax GAA… Read More
A local homeless man has entered the third day of a hunger strike of undetermined duration. “I will not eat anything at all until I can buy or possibly find some food,” announced street resident Lester Carson to the … Read More
Nigeria, Rwanda, Cameroon, and other West African nations agree, once again, that when it comes to being a hip, down-to-earth, funny, and approachable nation, the one word which comes to everyone’s … Read More
In a joint session of Congress this week, both houses moved to declare a “thumb war” on Iraq. Citing numerous violations of the Geneva Convention including “sorta moving up their arm to get better leverage,” Senator… Read More
UC Berkeley sophomore David King remains devastated, one night after a near-encounter with the girl of his secret dreams resulted in one-sided heartbreak. Upon seeing fellow sophomore Emma Sullivan walking hand-in-hand with an as… Read More
Recently, some people have complained about the political content, or lack thereof, in our fine humor magazine. “Hey The Heuristic Squelch,” they write, “why so little election coverage?” The simple answer is that we just don… Read More
Once the capital of the greatest empire in the world, London might be considered the depressed has-been of the world’s great cities. But people there do speak English, and phone booths are filled with pornographic call-girl advertising. … Read More
