A local homeless man has entered the third day of a hunger strike of undetermined duration. “I will not eat anything at all until I can buy or possibly find some food,” announced street resident Lester Carson to the self-assembled … Read More
Tag Archives: Patrick Trombley
Reach Out and Jerk Me Off
Welcome to Cell Phone Users Anonymous. My name’s Patrick, and I bought a cell phone.
Like others here, I told myself that it would never happen to me. Cell phones are for SUV-driving, iMac-using, pretentious yuppie fucks, and I’d sooner … Read More
Magnitude 2.1 Earthquake Rocks Bay Area
An earthquake measuring 2.1 on the Richter Scale struck at approximately 2:27 a.m. yesterday morning, causing twenty two Bay Area residents to wake up. Damage was limited to an empty beer bottle falling on its side in the home of … Read More
Greeks Service the Community
In an effort to curb the use of guns in violent crimes, Bay Area officials reimplemented the highly successful Toys for Guns” program this week with a slightly different theme. The new program, dubbed “Ass for Guns”, will exchange thirty … Read More
Residents Baffeled by Phenomenon
Local citizens were puzzled by a bizarre incident that occurred Thursday night. The mysterious event took place as several dozen curious passersby looked on in amazement. “I was really blown away,” explained eyewitness Tom Cunningham, “I mean, this was pretty … Read More
Let’s make Iraq a State
Manifest Destiny III
In light of the controversy over recent developments in Iraq, not to mention controversy over recent “developments” in President Clinton’s pants, it has become increasingly obvious that the solution to the continuing Gulf Crisis will not be an easy one. … Read More
Squelch Weather
Today’s Outlook
Severe thunderstorms with tornadoes and flooding. 65% chance of death or dismemberment. Or else it will be sunny and 72 degrees. No one pays us to put our asses on the line here at Squelch Weather.
Extended Forecast… Read More
