Who hasn’t whiled away hours sitting in front of expanded basic cable, skipping midday classes in favor of Kids in the Hall reruns or that episode of Mythbusters that you’ve seen five times already this week. Nevermind that… Read More
In a recent interview, Chancellor Berdahl announced his intention to drop his post-retirement teaching plans in the hopes of realizing his full potential as “that guy who plays the Campanile bells every day at noon.” The grueling nature… Read More
First time boba drinker Elaine Casey is currently pressing charges against local eatery Boba Land for sexual harassment and psychological damage. Last Friday Casey, a UC Berkeley freshman from Bakersfield, ordered an almond milk tea drink and… Read More
“Yesterday, December 7, 1941 GAA a date which will live in infamy GAA the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.”
GAA Franklin Delano Roosevelt, … Read More
In the last week or so, some serious shit has gone down in Haiti, according to a White House statement released Thursday. “Shit’s all fucked up and we don’t think anyone really knows what’s going on… Read More
So two men walk into a bar, one guy is Jewish, and the other guy is Palestinian. The Jewish man turns to the Palestinian and offers him a drink. The Palestinian agrees and offers to then buy the … Read More
On Monday morning, the National Stacy Association (NSA) released a formal statement denouncing critically lauded pop group Fountains of Wayne for “gross recklessness and utter lack of consideration.”
“As America’s largest lobby of girls named… Read More
Trying On Shoes
Me: Hey, do you have these in nine and a half? Salesman: Sure, I’ll go get them. But it’ll take about twenty minutes.
Me: What? All you have to do is go back to … Read More
The international world was shocked last week by the surprise return of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, or SARS, in the same region of China where the original outbreak took place.
“I thought that we had seen the last… Read More
So it’s one of the first days at my new job, and I am still in that precarious, delicate, virginal, stage when the world is full of possibilities and I’m nervous but simply can’t wait for… Read More
