SARS Makes a Comeback

The international world was shocked last week by the surprise return of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, or SARS, in the same region of China where the original outbreak took place.

“I thought that we had seen the last of SARS, but it looks like SARS is back and ready to rock,” said senior World Health Organization official and E! Entertainment Network host Brooke Burke. “After its monster world tour in early 2003, SARS burned out and dropped off the map. But now, only six short months since its final killer show in Taiwan, SARS is back and, according to industry insiders, stronger than ever.”

Respected music critic and radio medical personality Dr. Dean Edell had extensive praise for the hard-hitting disease from southern China. “With its infectious beats, contagious melodies, and sometimes fatal rhythms, I think SARS is clearly going to be with us on the international stage for years to come.”

In related news, Chancellor Robert Berdahl promptly ordered the evacuation and forced sterilization of 700 UC Berkeley students of Chinese ancestry, along with 500 Asian-American Studies majors.

“At last, an excuse,” cackled Berdahl.