Features
- A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Gooky Grocer
- Semi-evil Doctor Dolittle
- Theoretical Physics…for Children!
- Words from the Top
- Great Moments in Super Bowl History
- We Are Very Angry
- Paid Advertisement
- After-drinking Games
- My Virtual Girl
- Island Etiquette
Newsflashes
- Middle America Continues to Scald Self
- Massage Therapists Take Legal Action
- Almost Straight Man Drives Silver Jetta
- Martin Luther King Gets Undeserved Recognition
- Girl Falls for Best Friend
- 3 Dead, 12 Wounded After Bear Wanders Into Furry Convention
- Berkeley Bong Ripping Contest Violates Law of Non-contradiction
