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Top Ten Reasons to Escape | The Heuristic Squelch
Volume 14- Issue 4

Top Ten Reasons to Escape

January 1, 2005
  1. Ctrl-Alt-Del not working
  2. Town’s just one long dead-end drive since the factory closed down, so maybe it’s time to pack up your lucky hat and suitcase full of dreams and hit the road like the young guys says they should, and the old men say they should’ve. Also, you killed a cop.
  3. Chemo ward smells like old people
  4. You’re already a medical experiment; might as well go horribly wrong
  5. Most Dangerous Game not actually Beer Pong
  6. Quarantine, shmarantine!
  7. Just blew up Bond villain’s secret Antarctican complex; also, are James Bond
  8. There was a big line for not escaping
  9. You’re a famous black comedian and the hooker has an Adam’s apple
  10. Pirates unsympathetic about rope allergy