- Blue and Yellow mixed together, smartass
- Your mom’s crotch. Seriously, she should get that checked.
- Green Lantern, jealous
- A gangrenous leprechaun
- I’m serious, have you tried this Palmolive?
- Green Apple Palmolive. It smells as good as it looks. It’s incredible.
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Best Things that can Fit in an Egg
- Friendly Yolkels
- 73% of your RDA of cholesterol
- My hatred for those Jesus murderers who couldn’t appreciate Easter if you lit it on fire and stuck it in a menorah
- Fucking three yolks! I swear man, this one time. It
Top Ten Campus Myths Spread by CalSO
- Christmas is really about the birth of Oski
- Junior starring Arnold Schwarzenegger was filmed on this very campus, the most successful movie in the history of the worldz
- City of Berkeley once populated by lazy blacks and Latinos with low
Oh, Those Alienated Teenagers!
_Fact of life: we all went through our sullen, withdrawn phases sometime in our teenage years. Some may deny it, but they will only turn out to be bitter alcoholics that quietly seethe about marrying young and taking a job … Read More
Blood for Oil Program a Success
Red Cross officials are praising their new program to refund blood donors for transporation costs. Started six months ago, the “Blood for Oil” program lets Red Cross officials pay to fill up the gas tanks of donors who contribute every … Read More
Man Discovers True Love
Last Tuesday, Pleasanton, California resident Matthew Smith, though a self-professed normal and even mediocre guy, discovered true love, which sci-entists had previously claimed was impossible. “It was easy,” he claimed. “It was right next to the Loch Ness Monster and … Read More
Counting Problem
U.S. health officials announced that by the time most Americans have been peeing for a long time, they feel it’s too late to start counting the seconds, thus artificially lowering the standards for the Guinness Book of World Records’ “longest … Read More
SUBJECT: Upcoming Budget Cuts
FROM: Chancellor Berdahl (texasqueen@yahoo.com) TO: Cal Students (feesmonkeys@uclink.berkeley.edu) CC: Spring Admits (probablynots@uclink.berkeley.edu) Governor Davis (darthg@aol.com) REPLY TO: Kevin Deenihan (kevin@pkarchive.org)
As many of you are no doubt aware, the State’s budget situation is particularly grim this year. Our state’s penchant … Read More
Americans To Vote On New Color For Terror Alerts, M&Ms
When Americans file their tax returns in April, or purchase a package of Peanut Butter M&Ms, they will have the chance to choose between cobalt, periwinkle twill, and electric lime. In a joint effort between M&M-Mars and the Depart-ment of … Read More
Botanist’s Dream
Ophrys bilunulata, the cunning seductive temptress of Central Europe, discloses her arching figure, velvety hair, and fragrant scent; twisting the palpating heart of the male Andrena flavipesi to such a wicked degree that the loins of A. flavipesi swelter … Read More
