- Shouldn’t we close physical reality for Martin Luther King, Jrs. birthday?
- Is reincarnated paper more expensive than recycled?
- What are the chances of finding the true meaning of life in a fortune cookie?
- Does physical reality have call waiting?
- Does
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- “You know, doggie style isn’t passe
anymore.”
- “I’d love to share some of my bodily
fluids with you.”
- “I know a charming little motel with a
cheap hourly rate.”
- “My friend and I made a bet and I need
to
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- Wild Sex
- We might reveal mystic secrets about our name
- Nothing illegal involved (except with printing, marketing, and distribution)
- Provides necessary qualifications for vice-presidency
- Editors won’t kill you for missed deadlines (bylaws limit them to maiming)
- We know a cheap
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- “What’s that horrible stench?”
- “That’s it. I’m an atheist.”
- “What did I ever do to you?”
- “Why do you always say such
disgusting things?”
- “Oh, great. Now I have to kill myself.”
- “But what about that D-, professor?
- “I’d go
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- Convince other passengers that flight crew members are all evil robots
- Offer to pop people’s ears with your tongue
- Scream that you see Rod Serling on the wing
- Complain that there is not enough room on trays to play with
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- Always clap when “Applause” sign comes on
- Don’t make obvious balding or senility references
- Don’t jeer for over half the period after setting the class curve
- Never shout “They’re Greeeaaaat!!!!” when eating Frosted Flakes in lecture
- Always call in a
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- Leave
- Discuss grade with drunk professor
- Make lewd gestures with beer bottles
- Train house dog to pump keg
- Pour beer on girls’ T- shirts
- Mumble to yourself and look tough
- Replace drunk people’s beer with urine
- Wander around in drunken
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- Using hand puppets for non-medicinal purposes
- Abusive application of hair mousse
- Throwing cabbage at foreigners
- Calling a judge “sweet hips”
- Panhandling with a pitchfork
- Spreading lice to a police officer
- Performing unauthorized brain transplants
- Imitating Jermaine Jackson
- Getting married to
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- Pretend to be security guard and arrest people for buying textbooks they know
they’ll never use
- Yell “Fire! Fire! Oh, never mind, it’s just in Nutritional Science.”
- Test “human domino” theory
- Incite book burning
- Reading for first four weeks of
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- Angst and Alienation To Go
- Cafe Spam Delight
- Pseudo Intellectual Espresso
- Cafe Obnoxio
- Mocha n’ Grits
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