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Bob Dole says so.
Olympic figure skaters wear full body armor to practice.
Kindergartners outgun their teachers in New York public schools.
New Kids on the Block concerts sell out due to guns-for-tickets
Disneyworld attendance in Florida drops .01% … Read More
Any girl who is “not feeling fresh today”
The Energizer Bunny
Larry H. Parker
The Magnavox dog
Sally Struthers trying to persuade people to feed the children
The Pizza Hut Bigfoot delivery dork
Russ from the Lake Edna KFC
The … Read More
Gyne-Lotrimin
Ben-Gay
Preparation H
KY Jelly
Clearasil
… Read More
Write a goofy book about the future, but make everything vague
Watch Seinfeld reruns when they were new
Bring back aluminum cans used before recycling was invented and get
Return to the good ol’ days of love and … Read More
Breathing heavily but you’re the one having a baby
Asks you to turn your head and hiccup
Keeps telling you how many merit badges you’re earning
He’s fondling them with his rectum
What are the chances the other person in … Read More
Stay home
Ride RTD buses (who are we kidding?).
Transporter beam
Personal helicopter
Commute once a week instead of daily
Telecommute
Take the Red Line subway (all 3 miles of it!)
Take the Metrolink and relax in comfort and style … Read More
Angst and Alienation To Go
Cafe Spam Delight
Pseudo Intellectual Espresso
Cafe Obnoxio
Mocha n’ Grits
… Read More
“How does it feel being the nation’s biggest joke?”
“This ‘New World Order’ is your secret plan to take over the universe, isn’t it?”
“Quick– how many houses of congress
“Do you feel that cabinet members are envious … Read More
What if all these homeless people are
What if my senior thesis is politically
Am I supposed to think “Sylvia” is
What if tie-dyes go out of style?
What if I have an acid flashback during
… Read More
Examathon
Power flunk
Deorgasm
Pukemonger
Supraflatulence
Churl finger
Hellarific
Unphlegm
Detenurize
Snidelicious
… Read More
