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“Tastes great” / “Less filling”
To provide the inspiration for the Franklin Mint(tm) Civil War Chess
So that white men could only exploit women and animals.
The North was feeling rejected.
The devil made us do it.
Oil. (oops, … Read More
Firing of the White House kitchen staff
“Don’t ask, don’t tell”
Vincent Foster
Whitewater
Hillary
Health Care
NAFTA
China
Haiti
Bosnia
… Read More
Slantana
Raw Phish
Too Short (you know, the rapper?)
Pearl Harbor Jam
Sushi and the Banshees
Snoop Doggy Dogg-eater
KimCheecago
Rice-Cube
Screaming Bonsais
Toyota the Wet Sprocket
… Read More
A sober woman
Act I/Act II movie theater
The Blue Oyster
Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit
Cesar Chavez rally
… Read More
Interracial marriages between red and yellow dwarves.
Used to work in Crayola(tm) factory before chocolate factory.
They have ingested too many carrots (usually orally, but not always).
What the hell’s an Oompa Loompa?
They eat goldfishes.
… Read More
“Calgon, take me away!”
“Damn, but don’t he look like Charles Manson?”
“I’ll bet you twenty bucks he rises from the dead.”
“Hey man, can you do that `water into wine’ bit right now? We’re all kind of thirsty.
“Jesus … Read More
…you wanna Minute Man?
…who needs liberty when you’ve got libido?
…wanna get tarred and feathered?
…I’m into life, liberty, and the pursuit of a good piece of ass.
…the British are coming, so why ain’t we?
…you’re suspected for … Read More
Write a goofy book about the future, but make everything vague
Watch Seinfeld reruns when they were new
Bring back aluminum cans used before recycling was invented and get
Return to the good ol’ days of love and … Read More
Breathing heavily but you’re the one having a baby
Asks you to turn your head and hiccup
Keeps telling you how many merit badges you’re earning
He’s fondling them with his rectum
What are the chances the other person in … Read More
Stay home
Ride RTD buses (who are we kidding?).
Transporter beam
Personal helicopter
Commute once a week instead of daily
Telecommute
Take the Red Line subway (all 3 miles of it!)
Take the Metrolink and relax in comfort and style … Read More
