As part of increased security measures in the wake of last month’s terrorist attacks, the FAA announced today that Wesley Snipes will be placed aboard all transcontinental flights.
“We think Wesley’s brand of street smart athleticism and good humor will … Read More
Various factions of Berkeley protestors have banded together to combine their respective causes under the blanket “Anti-War” banner in an all-purpose protest movement that promises to attract far more attention than any one group could muster on its own.
“For … Read More
A recent study by Asian-Americans for a Yellow America, or AAYA (pronounced ai-yah), an Asian watchdog group, reveals that long-held opinions about Asian men being submissive, feminine, poorly equipped, and “trying too hard to be cool” are on the decline.… Read More
President Bush announced today that the United States is “so totally broke.” “The disaster relief efforts, combined with our current economic slowdown and the tax cut, have run through our entire budget,” said Bush with a resigned shrug, sporting a … Read More
Student Kevin Petit, 22, had always led a shallow, empty life devoid of any true pleasures, notable accomplishments, spiritually fulfilling experiences, or emotionally meaningful interpersonal relationships. Since September 11, however, the crushing emptiness of Petit’s life has become more painfully … Read More
In a unanimous vote, Green Lantern, Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, Plastic Man, Flash, and Aquaman have decided to offer support to the U.S. effort to combat global terrorism. “We helped rebuild Metropolis from rubble when it was destroyed, … Read More
Blah blah pro-life demonstration blah blah blah disturbing photographs blah blah controversy blah blah blah.
“Abortion is the really sickening thing, blah blah Jesus blah blah the Bible,” said some pro-life guy.
“Blah blah women’s rights blah blah blah,” said … Read More
I, along with many others, engaged in sexual intercourse with your mom last night, it was reported today. The reasons behind the incident last night remain unconfirmed, however most experts have attributed it to the fact that your mom is … Read More
Inspired by the success of its nonsensical “It doesn?t taste like apples” Apple Jacks ad campaign, the Kelloggs Marketing Division has announced the release of a brand new cereal which will be pushed by a similar campaign. The new cereal … Read More
College students Chuck Chichester and Delilah Wright glanced uneasily at each other Friday as their attempt to engage a homeless man in a friendly verbal exchange developed into a full-blown social interaction which threatened to spiral totally out of their … Read More
