Justice League Offers Support to U.S.

In a unanimous vote, Green Lantern, Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, Plastic Man, Flash, and Aquaman have decided to offer support to the U.S. effort to combat global terrorism. “We helped rebuild Metropolis from rubble when it was destroyed, and even when Gotham was abandoned by the government, we remained vigilant against outside forces who sought to exploit the situation,” said Superman in a statement broadcast from Justice League Headquarters on the moon. “Furthermore, no organization has more experience with ridding the world of evildoers.”

Some still doubt the trustworthiness of costumed heroes whose identities remain unknown, but U.S. officials have thanked the superheroes for their support. Vice President Dick Cheney stated, “Winning this war means using whatever channels are available to us. If that means dealing with unsavory or superpowered individuals, so be it. Sure, Batman may have kept files on the weaknesses of his own allies, leading to their crushing near-defeat at the hands of Ra’s al Ghul when that information was compromised. He’s also been accused of perpetuating countless instances of what might be seen as human rights violations. But in these dire circumstances we’re not ruling out any options. The important thing is he’s on our side, and we’re glad to have him.”

As the League’s head strategist, Batman has reportedly begun drawing up plans for an campaign known as “Operation Infinite Justice League.” Batman plans to use his own detective abilities to locate terrorists, with the help of Superman’s reconnaissance and X-ray vision. Martian Manhunter will infiltrate terrorist cells using his shapeshifting abilities, Wonder Woman and Green Lantern will lead raids on camps as well as defending against terrorist attacks, and Aquaman will do something in the water while Flash runs really fast.

“Don’t even talk to me about Plastic Man,” Batman added, shaking his head.