Asians Fight For Reputation

A recent study by Asian-Americans for a Yellow America, or AAYA (pronounced ai-yah), an Asian watchdog group, reveals that long-held opinions about Asian men being submissive, feminine, poorly equipped, and “trying too hard to be cool” are on the decline.

Some worry that other cultural factors have been muscling in on the territory of femininity once widely associated with Asian men. “Groups such as the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync have marginalized Asian men by monopolizing media images of male girliness, in effect co-opting a field formerly dominated by Asians,” stated a spokesman for AAYA. “We are currently working on countermeasures, such as creating our own extremely feminine all-Asian boy band. The name of the band will be Five Guys Totaling Five Inches.” So far, AAYA has had little trouble finding potential candidates to participate in the band.

The Asian-American population at large is also worried. Allen Wong, known as AznPlaya to his “crew,” recently helped to publicize an Asian fraternity-sponsored march promoting awareness of the issue, passing out fliers warning BSB and N’Sync that “We’Re oUt to gEt YoU mOTheRfUcKin’ SucKaS. DoN’t FuCk w/ Us.” To promote attendance, the fraternity offered free pearl milk tea.

During the Asian march on the UC Berkeley campus, 2,500 Asian males, dressed in their most babyish blue sweater vests and most wrinkle-free khakis, marched around campus while constantly running their fingers through their long dyed hair and sucking on huge phallic pearl milk tea straws to convey their solidarity. Unfortunately, their cries against BSB and N’Sync went unheard as Americans continued to ignore Asian men.

Asians are gonna beat the living shit out of this reporter. It’ll take five or six of them, but they’ll still beat the living shit out of him.