Nightlife Environmentally Safe

Clubber Hugo Siriani disturbed patrons of a southern Florida dance club last week when he entered a club wearing vinyl pants and a fishnet shirt. Siriani had been spotted throughout the week sporting the revealing white fishnet shirt over his rock hard pectoral muscles. Concerned citizens worried that Siriani’s provocative attire might present a hazard to nightlife in the club environment. Some pointed out that the outfit could accidentally entrap unsuspecting dancers, who could slide up his vinyl pants and become entangled in the fishnet shirt while dancing. “Siriani’s use of vinyl pants in conjunction with a fishnet shirt is an outrage,” complained club activist Dina Marlin. “Though its function is ostensibly to contain his stunning pecs, he shows no regard for the harm that could be caused by the careless and irresponsible use of such a garment.”

Fishnet shirt hazards would help to explain the disappearance of two smallish women from a nightclub earlier last week. However, a short investigation by local law enforcement revealed that only Siriani’s dignity was entangled in the convoluted thread of his shirt. This news did not assuage the fears of dolphins sitting along the bar, who refused to dance.