I couldn’t believe it when my friend Josh told me that a greedy developer
had bought his parents’ shopping center and was about to tear it down
to build lavish new low-income housing. We needed to raise a bunch of … Read More
UC Berkeley students Jeff Conway and Tad Johaneston were shocked last week
when they discovered that a gag birthday gift had backfired in a most unexpected
fashion. Earlier in the week the friends had purchased a pair of jeans from… Read More
A spate of high-profile news stories related to pants has many wondering if the phenomenon is not indicative of a larger trend. From difficulties coordinating undergarments with fashionable pants to worldwide pants conspiracies to eerie supernatural incidents, pants have dominated … Read More
It’s All Downhill From Here
No matter how much effusive praise gets heaped upon the staff of the Squelch, there remains an contingent of pessimistic naysayers whose critique of our latest issue inevitably consists of a disparaging shrug and the phrase “It’s not as funny … Read More
Critics of U.S. foreign aid to Israel had reason to cheer this week as the U.S. withdrew financial support from a state-run factory in Tel Aviv. American diplomats were taking a tour of the facility when they discovered that the … Read More
Well, the weather is picking up lately. It’s hot outside and hotter still inside. The sweet spring air makes me want to grab someone special, head for the local 7-Eleven and win the lottery all day long. Of course, after … Read More
Heuristic Squelch: Hello, Britney Spears.
Britney Spears: Hello, Squelch interviewer man.
HS: What would you like to talk about today?
BS: Well, I guess the main thing I’d like to talk about is how much I’d like to have sex … Read More
Sure, I wasn’t the only kid who grew up with a treasured, worn-out copy of Herbie Rides Again, purchased at exorbitant rates because no one bought videos back then. The local Albertson’s never had a copy of The Love … Read More
MERLIN: Oh, you did know already. Right. Well, it will be a privilege to speak with you
HS: Good morning Merlin. It’s truly a privilege to speak with you here today. Your ability to predict the future is unparalleled. I … Read More
Berkeley’s Zeke Tyler, 22, is about to do the unthinkable: “I’m giving up not having sex for Lent,” Tyler declared Monday to a shocked gathering of friends. “Sex. For forty days and forty nights.”
Friends remain skeptical that the notoriously … Read More