Gag Gift Leads to Queer Consequences

UC Berkeley students Jeff Conway and Tad Johaneston were shocked last week
when they discovered that a gag birthday gift had backfired in a most unexpected
fashion. Earlier in the week the friends had purchased a pair of jeans from
Out of the Closet, a thrift store specializing in fashions popular with
homosexual men. The jeans were intended as a gag birthday gift for their
mutual friend Leroy Sparks.

“The store is painted purple and everything,” said Conway, explaining
the hilariousness of the gift. “We thought it would be great if he went
and tried on the pants and then we could tell him we got them at a gay

The plan backfired when, immediately upon donning the pants, an odd change
came over Sparks, who suddenly announced that he was celebrating his birthday
by outing himself as a homosexual. Sparks followed up the announcement by
hitting on a gay party guest and initiating a heated gay make-out session.

“It was weird,” said Johaneston, describing the event. “He
came out of his bedroom with the pants on, and they were giving off this
weird pink electric glow. Leroy looked like he was in a trance. Then suddenly
he got this funny look in his eye and totally hit on some guy. He was even
talking gay and everything. It was so gay.”

Added Conway, “The pants were pretty tight on him, too.”

Sparks was questioned about the mysterious occurrence the following day,
by which time he had changed into one of his usual heterosexual pairs of
jeans, and professed no memory of the events in question. “You’re
crazy. I like girls,” he told Conway and Johaneston indignantly.

At this point, Conway and Johaneston exchanged an unsettled look. They hastily
excused themselves and raced back to the strange purple store where it had
all begun, but found only a vacant white storefront and a sign that said
“For Lease.” Cobwebs crisscrossed the doorway, and it was clear
no business had been there for years.