Pants-Related News Stories Skyrocket

A spate of high-profile news stories related to pants has many wondering if the phenomenon is not indicative of a larger trend. From difficulties coordinating undergarments with fashionable pants to worldwide pants conspiracies to eerie supernatural incidents, pants have dominated the headlines in recent weeks.

“Throughout history, the rise of pants-related events has always indicated troubling times to come,” said Dr. Clive Trainor, professor of pantsology at Yale.

Dr. Trainor is not alone. Colleagues in Harvard’s department of garment studies agree. “The invention of pants was immediately followed by an unparalleled string of disasters,” said garment studies graduate student Marietta Stark. “I’d give an example, but we study garments here, not history.”