Well, the weather is picking up lately. It’s hot outside and hotter still inside. The sweet spring air makes me want to grab someone special, head for the local 7-Eleven and win the lottery all day long. Of course, after a long, cold winter with nothing to better to do but keep warm with comforters filled with cash, some of you frisky lottery winners might be getting pretty bored with winning the lottery all the time. Certainly, watching little numbered balls drop into place to award you millions of dollars can get a little dull after awhile. But if you’re not afraid to experiment, you can put some life back into winning life-changing mounds of riches.
One especially effective thing to try is to experiment with multiple lottery partners. An office lottery pool can lead to shared thrills and some seriously wild fun. The best part? Everybody wins! Some of you may be uncomfortable sharing your winnnings with such a large group, and that’s fine too. You can start small by alternating your single lottery buddy once in awhile to keep things from getting stale. After all, after a few months, winning the lottery with anyone would lose its luster, regardless of how shiny the gold you’re winning is. If you don’t like the idea of going behind your lottery buddy’s back, try talking to them about bringing in a third person on your lottery ticket. You never know–both of you may find yourself winning with numbers you never expected to be lucky.
Also, think about changing your lottery winning routine with different lottery aids. What if you used a Sacagawea golden dollar, or even a big old-style half dollar to scratch off that silver coating, instead of the same old pennies and dimes you usually use? I get the urge to start scratching just thinking about it. Or see how exciting winning is when you pick numbers based on half birthdays instead of birthdays! Try experimenting with toys, by which I mean you should use your lottery winnings to buy cool, expensive toys like LEGO playsets or stuff from F.A.O. Schwartz. Even Playmobil sets wouldn’t be out of the question–come on, you can afford it!
Even a simple thing like asking your lottery buddy to try new techniques, or telling them what you like, can make a huge difference. “I always like to win the lottery using odd numbers for the first three choices,” said one girl. “But I never mentioned it because I thought my buddy would be offended. Turns out, he likes odd numbers too. The first time we tried it, I won the biggest pot I’d ever had.” Another great idea to try: while winning the lottery, gently slip a finger into their anus and stimulate the prostate. At first they may find this unexpected, but it’s sure to double the pleasure of the lottery-winning experience. Just remember, use plenty of lube.
Then of course, there are times you feel like winning the lottery and there’s no one around. Just because you’ve hit a state jackpot or two completely on your own, it’s no reason to be secretive or feel bad about your habit. The fact is, most guys win the lottery by themselves several times a week, if not every day. “If a guy tells you he’s never won the lottery by himself, he’s definitely lying,” says one male I talked to.
The important thing is to have fun. So get out there and keep winning!
Rachael wants to hear how big the yacht you bought with your $25,000,000 lump sum is. Tell her at firstname.lastname@example.org.